UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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