You're my little dorito
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Randomize
