I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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