There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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