Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Watching her eat just hurts me
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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