Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
