I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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