Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
