I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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