Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
