obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
The Olympian is in my bed
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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