There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
