i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
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