I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
