I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
