Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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