We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
My hand turned me down
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize