how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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