ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
