What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
