If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
