Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
