Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
