Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
