Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
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Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
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I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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