i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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