literally had 100 drinks last night.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
he fucked my hip out of place.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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