We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
then he tried to convert me to islam
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
