I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize