just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
