Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Your cock deserves a montage
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
