i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
