You made me cry and you don't even care
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Randomize
