Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
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