you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
