you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
