I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
