A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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