so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
