You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Randomize
