is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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