Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Randomize
