I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
You brought string cheese to the strip club
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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