dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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