don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
