Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
