I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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