i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
