this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
