In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
