he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
