My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
