Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
