My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
