He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Randomize
