im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Of course I have a pirate flag
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
