I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
As shirtless as possible
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
We're too hungover to prance.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
