I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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