This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
