her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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