Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
you will always have a special place in my vag
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
