Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
