I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
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