You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
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