You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Randomize
