How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
