while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
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Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
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He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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