I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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