don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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