Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
