lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
