my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
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