Apparently you make a good broom.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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