You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
