my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
