I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
