So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
