No stitches, just platelets and will power
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
