i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
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