Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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