Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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