Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
