So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
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Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize