I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Your cock deserves a montage
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
