I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
