He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Is Oprah even human
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
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