How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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